Dead Girl’s Final Reminders

She clutched on to her favorite pocket knife tightly. Her right palm is bleeding and she didn’t even care about it. “This pain is temporary.” she muttered in the darkness.

She took her pen out and started scribbling…

I want to die

She’s been trying to die for the past 2 years but has been failing due to sudden bursts of happiness her friends would make her experience; but tonight, she’s alone and her friends cannot save her.

She’s been feeling the pang of isolation and resentment and has spiraled down to her depression.

As she started to write her final words down tears started flowing from her eyes–again. She has been crying for hours in the dark; yelling “HELP ME” silently so as not to wake her parents up. It was a very heartbreaking scene.

“To my family” she wrote.

“To my mother who made me feel like I won’t ever be anything, mom, you were right, I’m a failure, and tonight, I’m going to stop being a failure and I’ll die. I’m sorry, this is the best that I can do.” she scribbled down.

She gripped the knife even tighter.

“It’s painful.” 

“I still feel pain…” she thought.

She started scribbling down again.

“To my father, I know that I’ll just disappoint you, and I cannot bear the thought of you giving up on my like mom… and so… I’ll take my own life tonight, I’m sorry.”

Tears started to fall again.

She wanted to write good memories but she knew that none of these would matter after tonight…

“I love you both.” she muttered as she drags the first cut to her wrist.

The painful splitting of flesh caused her to wince.

She grabbed the pen once more and started scribbling.

“To my sisters and to my baby brother, please take good care of one another and always remember I love all of you. You can get all of my dresses and always remember that I loved all of those. Give my guitar to our brother and tell him to study music… tell him to finish what I started.” she smiled. She took hold of the knife and dragged it again against her skin.

“I love you.” she said.

“To Darlene, Alice, Nathan and Eros, my friends… ” she had to stop writing. The feelings overwhelmed her greatly.

“I love you guys, you guys are my angels. You saved me from myself a long time ago but as we’re starting to grow apart, I cannot fathom the thought of us separating and forgetting each other so I might as well just go ahead…” she wiped her eyes. Her cheek stained red from all the blood that was gushing down her wrists.

“I love you…” she said.

She dragged the blade 4 times on her left wrist; one for every person.

She looked up and saw that it was almost midnight and she had to die soon and so she started writing once again.

“To Travis, my first love… I love you and I really hope you’re happy with her. I will always love you from the bottom of my soul and I know that once upon a time, you loved me too. I’m so sorry for breaking us apart. I was childish and immature and I didn’t know what to do… forgive me… I love you.” her vision started to get blurry.

She breathed heavily as she dragged the letter ‘T’ on her wrist.

She leaned back on the wall and looked at what she has written… it’s still incomplete… so with all of the life that’s left inside her fragile body she started to write again…

“To Aaron, I love you… and thank you for once saving me from all of this. I actually thought I’m healed from all of the demons that live inside my head. I’m sorry you had to put up with a girl like me… I’m sorry… if only I wasn’t crazy, then things would’ve worked out between us. Please do, take all of the songs that I have written for you… they’re not mine to keep, they’re all yours… I placed them on the box that I hid on my top drawer… the mixed cd you gave me last valentines day is also there… Please be happy and live on for me… I–” she passed out.

A series of palpitation occurred and then and there she believed that she’s finally dead.

The sound of the door creaking sounded like a giant’s footsteps on a mountain made of gravel… she was awake.

It’s Monday.

“Ah, I’m in hell.” she whispered as she checked the video she has been editing all night.

“Submission day.” she sighed.

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