So Confused

A brief bereavement of the feelings that I have kept hidden beneath this thick layer of unfinished business I still have to accomplish for school, yes, I lost my feelings for you.

Day by day, I would wake up in a state of feeling a little more numb than how I was yesterday. I have grown accustomed to the thought of not having you by my side and true enough, I am getting by without you.

Despite my obvious state of “numbness” however, I couldn’t deny the fact that I live to love and passion and romance run my engine and those I cannot be without.

Having no one but myself, I can’t help but fall in love with people who resemble slivers of who you are.

Lately, I have been questioning a part of me I never dared question before- my sexuality.

Let’s cut to the chase and get down to the crux here; I know for a fact that I would usually prefer men over my kind, due to that sense of “superiority” my system always craves for, but of course, the path I am treading right now, a path that offers no one to love but myself and those who are near me, gives me a vision of things that I may have noticed but eventually overlooked when I was in a boy-girl relationship.

I am not yet certain whether my feelings for this person is something I could categorize as romantic or  something that would just keep me entertained whilst going through this tough phase of isolation.

I’ve seen myself go through these situations back when I was still a student at my previous school, but, I have never been in one after my failed relationship with a man.

The confusion that haunts my very core is quite alarming for I believe that feelings, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant are still feelings; feelings that could grow and protect and vanish and hurt and nurture me and the one I am feeling these feelings for.

These are the very words of a confused lady who wishes to know whether it is right to admit the fact that my desire towards my kind is something that would qualify me as a lover of both sides…

or maybe I’m just one hell of a “try-sexual”


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