To Youth, To Art, To Decadence

To Youth,

“For you have shown me a world of spectacle, I know that I will always be drawn to you.”

I was sixteen when I first met those circle eyes. I was sixteen when I realized as to how much I can fall in love. I was sixteen when I figured out that I could be that endearing.I was sixteen when you asked me to dance with you in the middle of the street. I was sixteen when you gave me that purple rose. I was sixteen when I loved you with all of me. I was sixteen when you fell in love with me.

But Youth you can’t stay. A beautiful tragedy awaits who we are.

The day I turned seventeen I was by your side… 13 days after, I found myself growing hastily.

So hasty that it didn’t take so much for me to outgrow you. My limbs no longer match yours. My eyes are too far ahead and you were there below me.

You had to detach yourself from me, and I must too, but I loved you too much to let go.

But we had to let each other go.

I was sixteen when I fell in love with you.

It was when I turned sixteen that I found youth.

To Art,

“I will forever thank you for letting me use your senses for a while. We were art, you and I”

And with all the damages my own feeble heart can take, you resurrected me from the pit of sadness I was in.

I flirted with Art.

I fell in love with Art.

You were Art.

We became living art.

The way we would converse in beautiful verses of our creation saved me from shutting my eyes from all that is there for my taking. The way we would sing to one another opened my ears to the music that I have been dying to hear once again. The mixtape you gave me that Valentines day of 2013 will always be one of my favorite mixes forever.

“Never Let Me Go” we both sang.

But these words aren’t ours and you were unprepared.

You didn’t want to gamble as much as I would want to cash it all in.

We can’t be Art together.

Art, you filled my heart with symphonies I never knew I could put to writing.

I will never be the same again without Art, but I can never be art.

Art is free and I crave for exclusivity.

I want you, you want me, but Art will always be free for everybody’s taking.

And so that final kiss I gave you in that old library is the last one.

Art is free. Art will never be you and me… (But we became it… we became it)

To Decadence,

“I was too young, I was too naive, but I loved you with all my heart and I have always known that you would leave.”

Nineteen and I felt old enough. Not old… but OLD ENOUGH.

And I met you.

Fourteen years older than I am. I craved for you.

Fourteen years between you and I, I loved you.

It all happened that Summer of 2014, when I thought I lost you when the flowers grew in Spring.

The stars had a different plan for us I guess, for when the sun shone that first day of Summer, fourteen years collapsed between the 2 of us and we both felt like we’re seventeen.

You were charming and beautiful and classy and all that I wanted. I was young and vibrant and colorful and happy.

We became each other’s Summer.

You were exotic and foreign and decadent and I wanted to be with you for as long as I could.

It was when June ended when we affirmed what we felt.

The coffee, the French, the Spanish, the English, the tattoos (yours and mine), the festivals, the beach, the shore, the tears in between, the “I Miss You More Than I Thought”, the danger, the forbidden love, the “I Want To See You” and the “You Never Came Back”.

You showed me what it’s like in your world that is fourteen years older than I am, but fourteen years is far too long for the both of us. You had your reasons and I should never have played with the kind of fire that you are.

You are Decadence and I will always be mystified by you.

You’re enthralling and enchanting and romantic and sinful and I loved you more that I should have.

And I still love you, but those fourteen years would kill my dreams.

And I still love you, but we both know why we can’t.

I still love you for you have given me a taste of decadence.

I’ll be fine and maybe someday we’d see each other again and by then the fourteen years should have been forgotten.

To Youth, my first love, you will forever hold a special place in my heart.

To Art, the kid, you have saved me in so many ways, I will always be forever grateful.

To Decadence, my dear bubbles, I loved you more than I should have when we shouldn’t have fallen in love.

x

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