Maybe I am not yet in love with you for I cannot seem to put in to words these verses of “you mean the world to me” and “I never want to let you go”. All I know is that I can see my next five years with you beside me.
The next five years would dictate the life that I am to live. The next five years will be all about my youth. The next five years will be the fall and the rise of the person that I am meant to be. And these next five years, I want you to be with me.
I want to travel across Europe with you. Going off at every station our trains are ever going to stop on, just so we could lay our eyes on the same edifices. I want to be the girl you’d whisper your wildest dreams and deadly fears to in the middle of the night. I want to be that conversation you’d have at 3 am over an unfinished box of pizza and ice cold beer. I want to be the footsteps you’d match yours with on a rainy day just so we could skip the puddles on our way. I want to be that phone call you’d receive on a hazy Sunday afternoon asking for a hang out. I want to be that girl you’d eat noodles with in bed on a cold winter evening.
I want to be that girl for you.
I don’t know if I love you, I don’t know if I’ll ever love you as much as I have loved the 17 year old boy who once told me that he’d introduce me to his mom who lives at the other side of the globe; or maybe that 18 year old boy who made me a mixtape for Valentines Day. I don’t even know if I’ll ever love you as much as I loved that 34 year old man who once called me his princess.
I don’t know.
All I know is that I want to be there for you and I want you to be there for me as I face these next five years of my life.
I want these next 5 years to be ours.
I want to ride planes with you.
I’d take you to Japan and we could eat ramen and I could show you all of the beautiful things I have seen back when I spent my Christmas there. We could climb Namsan Tower in Korea and leave a lock for the next, next, next, next five years of our lives. I could take you to the ocean and we could just sit there by the bay and let the waves lull us to our sleep.
These next five years of my life would be the ones I’d tell my children someday and I want you to play a major role in it. I want to tell them the story of how we got lost somewhere in Budapest for none of us can speak nor understand Hungarian. Or maybe that story wherein we parasailed in Iceland and I lost my favorite green scarf and you told me you’d get me a new one; or maybe that time when we got so drunk and we decided to let the night pass in some park bench in Amsterdam.
I see your face written all over these maps.
I don’t know if I love you now but in the next five years I might.
We don’t have to be lovers now or in the next five years and that’s alright.
I just want to get lost, see places and be with you for the next five years of my life.