I am not really the kind of girl who would feel the pangs of loneliness biting the muscles of my neck. I don’t usually feel the claws of solitude digging through my skin like hooks craving to hang me from the ceiling of sadness.
I see people. I see people who may not be related to me, but I can see them.
I can see how their mouths would curve in anticipation of the beautiful things that await them. I can see the wrinkles the sides of their eyes make as their tears fall off each eye like little dews of morning leaves.
Humans are beautiful.
We are all beautiful.
But in the times of monotonousness and inexorableness, it is, well it’s truly inevitable to fall in to the traps of feeling alone in the sea of people who could care less seeing you shot down dead on the cold pavements of the streets your feet know ever ruble of.
Sometimes the loudness of unfamiliar chattering with languages you’re quite sure you’re acquainted with sound like twisted phrases that spat out words that are far to incomprehensible they make you feel even more alone than you already are.
Sometimes, the eyes that look like tiny water pods, full of hope, appear so austere that even if they are darted elsewhere, you feel like you are being subjected, naked under their scrutiny.
Their laughter sound like wicked taunting, like nails on a chalkboard, and you just want to make it all stop, but the ugliness is surrounding you, even the vision, the mirage that’s casted upon the mirror you gaze upon so cautiously appear like a monster, or sometimes, a poor soul, in need of glee.
Humans can also be the foulest things.
We can be the foulest, most offensive creatures if we wish to be.
And right now, I am walking on a tight rope made of wishful thoughts and prayers mouthed inside churches and I, feel incredibly alone.
Maybe the culprit lies on the fact that I am currently voyaging a sea of uncertainty and stress without that person who made me feel the entirety of my next 50 years in the span of 4 months.
That’s our illness.
For in a sea of the beautiful humans who are so full of potential, when we’re not with that one who taught us how to feel the whole of the universe spectacularly balancing itself on top of our fingertips, we are but hollow souls– thirsty and alone.
How is it possible for us to feel invincible against the austerity of the earth when we’re with a person who could leave if he/she desires to do so? I personally don’t know.
We selflessly tie ourselves with these human hearts that hold both sides of the coin.
The Foul and The Fair
We trust so wholeheartedly, like children, whose innocence are still uncorrupted by the harshness of the erratic minds and hearts of humans who decide to leave.
Who decide to say the words “I no longer love you” and “Forget me”.
No wonder humans are beautiful and beast-like.
I guess, we just decide which side of the coin we’d place our bets on.
As for me, I am going all in for you.
For I believe that you’re incapable of harming me, for in the same way, I know that I can never ever harm you.
For in this world so sad and beautiful and crazy and maddening all at once, you keep me afloat, you make me feel beautiful.