Heavy

I should be brimming with glee when the sun rises today but when I opened my eyes, I was just flooded with fear and mournfulness.

I wanted to share my good days with you (yesterday being one of that); but instead you bring me so much pain.

Pain that feels like a dagger across my heart every single time I think of you.

I don’t want to hurt anymore and so I feel like, this– what you’ve done, is really the end of the road.

I am sorry to the young girl who loved you so much, but I can’t stand it anymore.

I can’t stand crying in the night for reasons I don’t know because you have been wandering off leaving me nothing but a fading  hope that you might return.

I love you, and I still do.

For in your eyes I saw a brilliant future that’s full of adventure and love and joy– but with the neglect you have chained me with, I am sorry, but I need to go.

I need to go because you cause me pain.

I need to go because I am always on the verge of losing brain.

I need to go because my life is no longer as happy as it has been.

I need to go because I love you too much but I can no longer dance alone in the rain.

They say if you really love someone, you’ll strive for it. You’ll fight to make it work. You’ll have sacrifices.

But for how long will I have to bear the weight of missing you and not knowing where you are?

For how long will I have to bear the weight of not being able to say what I mean?

For how long will I have to bear the weight of loving you and not knowing if you love me back?

I just collapsed on the bathroom floor.

I can’t bear your weight anymore.

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