When we meet, I would probably cry.
Cry because I cannot understand anything that’s going on inside my soul.
You would laugh at me and you would hold me like my body belonged inside your arms.
And I will try to conceal the tears but you know I can’t for you have tallied every single crack my voice would make every time I would utter your name.
You would take me to a coffee shop inside the airport and I would try to regain my composure.
I would probably laugh at my tears and you would just look at me with those kind eyes of yours.
I would laugh.
You would ceaselessly smile at my fragility.
And I would break zip off of my mouth with an analogy of some sort.
I’d say that I am being 2 persons right then and there.
I am the human and I am the writer.
And I’d start by saying that as a human being, I would consider everything that we have as a curse– a misfortune. I would say that as a human all of who we are and what we have sucks as I would rather be where you are in reality. I would rather rest my bones in your bed in reality. I would rather feel your warmth on my skin in reality. I would rather smell you in reality. I would rather converse with you and actually feel the hot air of your breath on my face in reality. I would rather argue with you in reality. I would rather cry on your shoulder in reality. I would rather prefer you be my reality. But our circumstance prefers us to be a part. How cruel. How evil. 2 lovers so distant from one another.
Then I would smile and shift everything and tell you how I feel about us in the perspective of a writer.
I would start by saying that everything about is beautiful. How amazing it is to find 2 people so far a part from one another yet the distance does not faze them (us) because they (we) love each other so much. That despite of our disability, we are able. That because of our being “apart” we just fill our gaps with so much love so that none of us could feel so alone anywhere. We fill it through the people around us. We both have this certain glow on our faces because we know that we are loved. We both know that we have the world as our home and that it’s not too big for our love is bigger than the universe. We both know that somewhere in this world there is someone who loves us so much. And now that we’re together, we’re probably awkward, silent and unsure of what to say to each other but none of that matters for finally– we are together. And that is the most important thing in this world for us.
You would smile at me and I can see tears welling in your eyes like little pools of crystals.
I would smile and continue to cry.
And then I’d speak once more, this time being the human and the writer.
I’d begin by saying that I can’t find the exact word for what I feel now that we’re together. I’d say that, I wanted to use the word “ecstatic” but that word barely justifies the joy of being with you. I’d say the I am crying because of everything. These tears are flowing from my eyes because right then and there I feel everything. I feel the sadness of being so far away from you, I feel the fear that we might not make it through the distance, I feel the anger boiling inside my heart for destiny has been so cruel with us, I feel the beauty of our little story, the struggle of it, the enchantment, the charm, the turmoil, the pain, the love. I feel the completeness of everything. I feel alive.
I feel alive for I can see everything, I can hear everything, I can smell everything, I can touch everything, I can taste everything and finally I feel real, because you are real.
We are real and we exist together in the same world, in the same time, in the same place, with the same sentiments.
I will tell you how complete and real I feel as I saw all of the dots connect and – we just are.
And we are so in love.
I have written this because I hope to be with you soon. You’re 16 hours away from me but I don’t mind travelling 16 hours for me to reach the past that’s 6 hours later than my present.
I just need to have the money first.