To Love

Dear Love,

It’s so weird that I am writing you this letter now but don’t worry, I’ll only send it to you when it’s time.

Anyway, 2015 is coming to a quick close. We barely have a month left and we know how fast these days shall pass.

2015 was all about you. It was all about the spectrum of emotions that you made me feel; from January up until today.

2015 is about the tears that I have shed when I was at my lowest and you weren’t there. It’s about how I blamed you for leaving me without saying anything. It’s about how I managed to cry for 3 days and on the 4th woke up with a forgetful palette that has chosen to forget you. It’s about how much of a loser I felt back then, and how I craved to find someone who is just like you and I obviously failed.

It doesn’t mean however that I failed to find others, because I did, they were just different– they were not you. Despite their lack of “you” they were good natured souls. They were kind enough to deposit slivers of love I kept in between my teeth in case I needed to keep the love that I have for you down. 2015 is also about them.

2015 is also about how you came back and asked for my forgiveness.It’s about how I knew nothing of what you were battling when I too was battling my own demons. I was selfish. I only thought of my own wars. It’s about how I tried to block you away and how I eventually faded in to the sunny girl you love. It’s about that day I told you that hating people is not my style. It’s about how I tried NOT to fall in love with you again.

But we both know that I failed to do that.

For 2015 became the year wherein I swore that I would only spend 10% of my hard earned salary and keep the 90% left, for me to buy a ticket to wherever you are. 2015 became that year wherein I was too afraid to lose you and so I did the unthinkable and I told you that I love you and you told me that you love me too. 2015 became the year wherein I had someone like you when I celebrated my 21st birthday. It became the year wherein we first spoke as lovers to each other (and we both know how weird we both are but we adore it). 2015 became your year.

2015 became our year.

And I want to believe that we survived it.

For 2016 is going to be a year of risks and we can only challenge it if we have learned every lesson 2015 taught us.

I am so afraid of what’s coming  but I want to believe in that mystical force that led us to where we are right now.

I want to say I love you but I would reserve those words for that day when I am really sending you this letter.

For now, I’ll just let the world read it first.

All the love,

Your Love

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