Since I am doing my very best to become a non-conformist, I will not begin this essay by putting in “New Year, New Me”. But you see, that’s pretty much the irony of it, by saying that we shan’t we already have, or we will. I placed everybody’s favourite cliched line at the beginning of this essay while explicitly saying that I won’t.
So maybe completely nullifying the broken things, the old ghosts, the old feelings would endow you more of their ironies. By saying that you will never think of your old lover come this year, you already did think about him/her.
And isn’t it weird that the more we try to take the trash out, the more we realise its presence?
So what’s the point of beating ourselves up for the same old monsters we fail to keep at bay every time the year comes to a close?
This is a late New Year post but I would just like to share one thing that I shall take with me as I tread on this year’s adventure.
I shall take all of my demons with me and let them take themselves out one by one.
I know that I will continue overthinking, I know that I will stay probably as anxious as I was last year but I will do my best to take my battles on a daily basis.
I will walk as gracefully and as thoughtful as I could so that in every decision, I would have the capacity to choose if I would feed my demons or not.
And slowly I shall enter into this limbo state wherein I’d be shocked to see severed heads or amputated arms of my demons who used to control me.
For in hastiness you could only grab what’s nearest to you and melancholy and grief are always tugging on you like infantile liars who would point their gun at you at 2 am when you can’t sleep and you know that you have screwed yourself over.
I will not run. I will not try to beat the race wherein everybody finishes at the exact same time for there’s no point in doing so.
It was never a race.
And it took me 21 years to figure that one out.
Everyday is an exam wherein your mindfulness would be tested.
This year, I have several things lined up for me but I will do my best not to take bigger steps. When I get there, I am there.
I will savour the days like 2016’s about to close.
I will taste the surprises and realise that I was never in control.
Realise that there’s more to life than getting ahead, there’s more to a New Year’s Resolution than becoming a person who feels choked up by all of the new policies you have boxed yourself in and then maybe, just maybe, you’d realise that you have the choice to make this your best year yet.
Let go, learn, love and live.
Happy New Year!