This is not really the news you’d wish to hear on a Saturday morning after an over time at work.
This is not really what I would want for us to talk about now that we are talking once more.
This is not how I would like you to respond to everything that I just said.
This is not how you’re supposed to make me feel.
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I feel so much pain.
I feel it in my bones. I can feel my face heat up with anguish as I try to comprehend the words that you’re scorching me with. I think I am scaring you away but all I want to do is to pull you close.
Don’t you dare patronise me! Don’t tell me these things about myself!
You have given me strength for the past year and I don’t know if I am strong enough to row myself further.
I know that I’ll get better. I know that in time, your words won’t even sting one bit, but I don’t want that.
I don’t want anything else.
Can’t you see?
I have become so much because of you. I have become so light, so beautiful, because I know that I belong to you. I have become so persistent with my dreams because I know that you are the pot of gold to my rainbow. What good can another person bring me when every fibre of my body responds only to your tuning?
There’s a crack in my heart that’s bleeding with the word: perfection. Maybe nothing really can be perfect, for you have been to me, and now you’re mouthing nothing but words that would tarnish the perfect dream that I have already built inside the universe of my mind.
Please understand, I am just so hurt.
I am so hurt for you fail to see me dancing with you, coursing with you, on the next 10 years of your life; while I am here, believing that I shall be resting my aching bones with you for the grey and golden years of my life.
How can we be so different?
How can I love you so much and you love me so little in return?
Or maybe, I am asking the wrong questions.
Why can’t you see that all I have is you?
I am bound to lose more and I think I am losing you too.
I don’t know how.
But I can’t latch on to you forever specially if you have already sworn to love someone else.
I don’t know how to pick the pieces up once more.
I don’t know how to unlove you, but I know that one way or another I would just have to close my eyes and gracefully shut the door where you came through.
(Even if I really don’t know how– for all that I am believes that you are my one true love.)
That day will come, I am sure of it.
I am just hurt right now, I guess.
For of all the days and of all of the time of the day, you decided that it’d be best to break my heart at 5.42am.