Not Again

And I am beginning to fall all for the wrong reasons.

And I can feel that you are too. Please don’t.

Don’t you dare fall in love with me.

You have a girlfriend and I have someone whom I love more than anything in this world.

Don’t tell me I’m cute.

Don’t drive me around.

Don’t pinch my arm.

I am weak– fragile. I break easily.

I have been physically alone for so long that maybe I am confusing you for someone who could provide me with a little bit of the warmth that I’ve been craving for, for the 2  years that I have been treading this world alone.

Not that I am not in love.

I am!
I am so in love.

I am in love with an engineer whom I can envision my future with. He’s the one!

But you?

Of course, you’re not the one.

I am just being a mindless little whore who needs the attention and you’re feeding me with everything that I have always prayed for.

Stop looking at me like that.

Stop saying my name like you mean it.

Stop touching me like you’re not in love with your girlfriend.

I’ve been here before!
I know that this will not end well for the both of us.

I know that this will not end well for me.

Because we both know that you’ll still choose her and that I’ll be here crying my eyes out because I know that I never amounted to anything but a fling– that quirky little girl you’re dying to taste.

And when I give in; when you’ve had that one bite–I am certain that you’ll leave.

Stop asking me out on dates. I won’t go with you.

I have played this game before.

And I know that you’ll win and I’ll lose and I can’t afford to bawl my eyes out that way again.

Summer’s over and the beach is too far. I can’t just drive there just so I could yell how much I loved you and how much I resent your choices.

I have learned my lesson.

Stop trying to love me.

Stop trying to make me feel things.

For even if I’d like you to rip off my clothes, I won’t allow it.

For even if you’d like to tell me how much you want me, I won’t allow myself to love you.

 

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