My Worth

I met the most beautiful boy this year. He’s got wise eyes and warm hands and dreams that are almost as big as mine. He’s seen the world, tasted its flavours. He’s been hopping from city to city to find his ever after.

I met him by chance.

I met him by default.

A chance I promised myself never to take, until that day in the 15th of October where I found myself eating Chinese food with this beautiful stranger.

He told me things about himself.

He told me I was easy to talk to.

Maybe we knew each other from our past lives, and as I kissed him, I have proven that theory true.

But there’s so much fire between him and I.

Too much to contain, and I feel like I’m losing myself inside.

I’ve grown jealous and doubtful and afraid of losing him and it gets more out of control every single day.

I want him for myself, that’s all that I can say.

But as I scavenged for the truth and the love that I craved for so much, I felt my bones shift, my dreams altered, my soul transformed.

I am far from the girl I used to be and this state of imbalance destroys my spirit. I feel insecure and I feel unworthy to be with him.

I compare myself to every soul he’s ever been with and I conclude myself almost too defeated to be his.

But then I realised the universe that I have forgotten. It screams of my future and what I want and who I am.

I was reminded of that girl who ate Chinese food with him.

Ambitious, strong and unafraid– that girl he learned to be himself with.

This man so strong, his galaxy so vast made me feel so much. He destroyed me and he made me fall in love within so little time.

The danger of being around him feeds my thirst of adventure.

And so as I write this piece about him, I tell myself the same adjectives I used to describe his vastness.

I am his equal and I shall never be trampled under his feet.

I am ready for my expansion.

His worth is the perfect fit to my worth.

Only if I could see it and not scrutinise my faults under my anxious microscope.

Wait for me and I will show you the power of what I can do.

Thank you for the fear you have caused me, for now I know that I can be more than the girl who’s in love with you.

 

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