I Should Tell You This Tomorrow

And I know that you said that it would be best if we don’t get emotional but I’m feeling awfully depressed and upon assessing myself, I know that there’s only one thing that would make me feel better:

I want to fall in love.

I know that tomorrow, there’s a 70-30 chance that we’d watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones but should I not receive the better end of the stick, here’s the speech that I’d like to tell you.

I realised that I’m awfully sad because I’m not in love. And I’m willing to fly all the way to Cambodia to fall in love for five days but I hope you stop me and tell me to fall in love with you instead.

I’m awfully sad because I’m living behind the curtains of cowardice. I’ve been trying to rationalise love like it’s a commodity that is only efficient if there’s the promise of forever.

But you see, nothing lasts.

Everything perishes– you and I both and i want to tell you this.

Should we have 3 days, or 50 months or a year or 55 years– we’ll both perish; so what’s the fear there?

Why can’t we just fall in love?

I don’t care if we only have a year to be in love with each other.

It doesn’t concern me.

I’ve been in love with people who can love me much less but I pushed for it anyway because nothing persists. I know that you’re logical– your world ruled by logic and numbers but I want you to know that the heart does not follow a certain formula.

We do not follow a formula.

And honestly, I don’t want to presume my luck, nor do I want to presume the length of the years that I’ll be here on earth– so let me love.

Let me love you.

Let me heal you.

Let me embrace you with my innocence and idealism for the days that you shall be around me.

Let me teach you how to cry.

How to feel the universe in every heartbeat so that should you fall in love with some other woman, you’d know what it’s like to genuinely feel something.

I love you.

And if this is the only time we have in this lifetime, I am willing to take the damage for it.

I love you.

I want you to feel my love regardless of our situation.

I love you.

I love you that, I am already looking for possible escapes so that by the time you leave me I’d be well equipped enough to follow you and be with you.

You are kinder– more passionate than you lead people on and I want you to know that I understand and I see that.

I want you to know that I am here for you and that should you be the last person I love in this lifetime– I want to love you like I’ve never loved somebody else.

I want to hold you and to kiss you like I mean it.

With the stars on my tongue slithering down your body like it’s magic– like it’s paradise.

Let me love you.

Irrevocably. Infinitely.

In this finite time that we have in this world, let me teach you what it’s like to love forever.

And maybe then I’d be happy to let you go, once our time is up.

 

** And these are the things that I’m meant to tell you tomorrow. Should we not pan our conversations to the talks of forever, then maybe I could just send you this link… at least you’d know that my heart is yours and yours alone.

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