Every word that would bleed from of fun.’s Carry On pokes through my heart. I feel like the bite of nostalgia’s kicking in right at the perfect moment when I DON’T need it the most.
It’s been so long and been so overlooked that now I can taste the bitterness of regret and maybe anxiety.
A piece of my heart would leave me today at 12:20 pm.
That piece is heading to the land of stars and fame and here I am stuck in my desk writing the anguish away.
The term “sinking in” will never really make sense until you’ve sunk.
And now that I am having difficulty breathing– the water up my neck, I am beginning to see flashes of what was once.
I guess this is the same vision when you leave earth.
That sliver of moment of being present blows up into a million pieces of sparkling details.
And all you can say is “Ah, I’ve lived a good life.”
This goes out to you my little Jar of wonder.
Now that time’s caving in and in less than 2 hours we’d be continents apart (metaphorically under the ocean)– I see you.
I see you so vividly– every tear making the view clearer and clearer until everything feels like real time.
Thank you for laughing with me on that cab ride home when we both got so plastered dancing the night away at some gay bar. Thank you for those late night conversations we would share where only angels could hear us and we were nothing but spirits, our words burning brightly like fire. Thank you for hearing my heart out. Thank you for letting me experience your little universe– all of its stars and constellations and planets. Thank you for letting me stay inside that bright solar system of yours when I couldn’t stay inside mine. Thank you for pouring your gold grains of time on to my palms like they would never run out. Thank you for painting a fraction of my sky with your colors, your soul, your joys. My heart goes out to you wherever you go.
And now that the water’s above my head and that everything has officially sunk, my dear Jar, soar high.
And while this chapter ends here, we can always say
“Ah we’ve lived a good life.”
Until our stars cross once more,
All of my love,
I hope you find your freedom in the land of the free.
Burn bright my little Jar of Wonder.